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April Fools
April Fools: Bye Bye St. Lawrence, Hello St. Teresa
St. Lawrence University just dropped breaking news in what was its last news release under the same name. Wednesday evening, SLU leadership announced that starting this April 2024, SLU will become St. Teresa University. The name change…
April Fools: REDBOX REVIEW: MONEY WELL SPENT!
With St. Lawrence University banning all fun and cracking down on partying, there was nothing to do. However, when I walked into the Student Center last Friday, I immediately knew my weekend was saved. A second large red machine caught my…
April Fools: Professors Mourn the Loss of Their Jobs to Chat GPT
St. Lawrence University is removing all current professors at the school to help with budget cuts. After the news of SLU’s public $11.5 million debt, major changes were needed.
A recent announcement was made by Kate Morris, president of…
April Fools: Athlete of the Week: Ricky Schneidmeister ’?
Sport: Esports Pronouns: He/him/his Year: 2026 (likely by 2030) Hometown: Williston, Vermont
What is your major?Global studies (AKA better than GOV).
…
April Fools: Banana Splits Believers Save Lives One Banana at a Time
Forget apples! Research done by St. Lawrence students proves that it is actually bananas— more specifically, banana splits— that are the key to a longer, healthier and more fulfilling life.
The banana provides essential…
April Fools: Finding Friends
Considering how closely-knit the community at St. Lawrence University is, it is not hard to randomly bump into the same person over and over again. Look in from the outside, and you might hear us faintly singing Kumbaya together. Pay…
April Fools: Solar Eclipse is Cancelled: Results of a Lack of Funding for the Moon-Related Hoax
The Hill News was shocked early Friday morning when several top-secret student government documents were leaked to the all-knowing, reliable social media community, YikYak. The scathing reports detailed a failed contingency fund request…
April Fools: Cab Ellis Dead! (1932-2014)
In a tragic turn of events, Java–favorite and widow’s peak enthusiast Cab Ellis passed away Tuesday, March 26. The Ellis estate has confirmed his death was caused by complications in a duel with a homeless Elvis Presley impersonator…