Saints Gone Wild: An April Fools Athletic Spectacular

Saints Gone Wild: An April Fools Athletic Spectacular 

At St. Lawrence, bold and bright, 
Our athletes train both day and night. 
Fueled by grit, by skill, by fate— 
And three granola bars they stole from Dana’s plate. 

Hockey: Ice, Sweat, and Suspensions 

Our hockey teams, so fierce, so fast, 
They never let you steal a pass. 
They shoot, they score, they claim their prize— 
Then spend two minutes apologizing (Canadian guys). 

Football: Strong, Tough… and Confused? 

The football team is strong and mighty, 
Though playbooks make them slightly flighty. 
They tackle hard, they break the ground— 
And sometimes forget which way is down. 

Basketball: Jumping Jacks with an Audience 

Our basketball Saints take to the floor, 
Dribbling circles ‘til ankles are sore. 
They shoot, they score, they leap with grace— 
And land flat on their startled face. 

Soccer: The Art of Dramatic Collapse 

Our soccer teams, so quick, so sly, 
Can flop on cue and start to cry. 
Did you touch them? It’s hard to say— 
But they’ll take that free kick anyway. 

Field Hockey: The Real Hockey’s Cousin 

With sticks in hand, they charge ahead, 
Leaving rival teams seeing red. 
Their skills are sharp, their passes neat— 
But mostly, they just whack their feet. 

Track & Field: Running Late 

Our runners dash with epic speed, 
Fueled by energy, drive, and greed. 
They sprint, they jump, they chase the sun— 
And swear they “totally” love to run. 

Rowing: Just a Team of Human Boat Motors 

The rowing Saints, all up at dawn, 
Look slightly dead but still push on. 
They row, they glide, they make big wakes— 
And question all their life mistakes. 

Lacrosse: The Sport of Overcompensation 

With helmets tight and sticks in hand, 
Our lacrosse teams take their stand. 
They dodge, they weave, they spin so quick— 
And check each other just for kicks. 

Swimming: A Battle Against Drowning 

Saints in goggles, brave and bold, 
Diving in the water cold. 
They stroke, they flip, they glide like pros— 
And secretly pray for extra floats. 

Equestrian: Sitting Down Like a Champ 

Our riders trot with perfect grace, 
Their horses judge them to their face. 
They gallop, they jump, they hold on tight— 
And hope their stirrups aren’t too light. 

Golf: The Best Nap You’ll Ever Take 

Golfers swing and golfers wait, 
The game of patience, skill, and fate. 
Their scores are low, their egos high— 
And one dude’s still stuck in the sand trap. (Goodbye.) 

Softball & Baseball: The Kings and Queens of Dugout Chilling 

They hit, they run, they catch with flair, 
They spit some seeds, they fix their hair. 
They slide through dirt, they sprint with grace— 
And sometimes forget to touch first base. 

Tennis: Where Grunting is a Strategy 

Tennis Saints, a sight to see, 
Serving balls with shocking speed. 
Forehands smash, backhands zing— 
But mostly, they just blame the string. 

So here’s to Saints, both fierce and grand, 
Dominating every land. 
With skill and speed, with pride they fight— 
And take their naps by five at night.