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His Campus: A Satirical Response

Written by Daniel Banta

Photo via University Communications

Earlier this semester, an anonymous Facebook comment featured on SLU Confessions created controversy on campus by attacking the beloved fraternity Fappa Fappa Gamma. The brave, anonymous commenter used social media to put down a group of people for using social media and putting people down. His Campus reached out to Fappa to get their side of the controversy. Below is their articulate and moving response. The photos within are stock and do not require attribution.

“Seek to end Stereotpying: Addressing the Post
“Over Privileged White Bastards Who Don’t Care About
Anything (except the stuff I cut out of the post to make this title )”
By RUTHERFORD CHESTERSHIRE
GUEST WRITER

The Facebook page “SLU Confessions” was funny until it started making fun of the guys of Fappa Fappa Gamma in a mean post. Now it is mean. The post said “Fappa guys are just over privileged white b*stards who don’t care about anything except how they look on Instagram and put-ting other people down.”

First, calling us privileged is wrong. We are all privileged because we can come to St. Lawrence. Outside of that, there is no difference in privilege be-tween any St. Lawrence student, regardless of income, race, aesthetics, or gender. While certain Laurentians are hiding behind their laptops (which I will stereotype and say is a MacBook purchased by their parents) and post-ing mean comments, the brothers of Fappa have used their privilege to do stuff. Cool stuff. Here are a few.

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Bracebridge Young IV once had an internship where he learned stuff. Brace is the Vice President of Thelmo’s Executive Board and enjoys watching the senators vote on contingency re-quests. In the future, he hopes to bang the gavel to start the meetings.

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Auden Van Wenderforth Bigsby taught English to young brown people in the country of Africa this past summer. He does well academically and also does sports good. His favorite Starbucks beverage is a soy Pepper-mint Mocha Latte.

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This is me, Rutherford Chestershire. I’ve actually done cool stuff like biking thousands of miles to raise $30,000 (which is also Auden Van Wenderforth Bigsby’s summer allowance) to support cancer research. In my free time, I like to be active. I also enjoy getting triggered by internet trolls.

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Matthew Goldmens Sacks is the lead actor in multiple St. Lawrence plays. These include heralded productions such as “I Got 99 First World Problems; But a Bad Wifi Connection Ain’t One,” “My iPhone and I,” and “Retweet: That Meme Be Dank.” His favorite color is lavender.

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Jay Crew had a “unique” experience in a bathroom one time while abroad in the Czech Republic. Jay works on campus and also uses his brain to think thoughts. Jay wears a Make America Great Again hat non-ironically and bases his political leanings on articles and memes shared on Facebook.

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Reginald Blanc Privilège is really good at sports. So good, in fact, that he is the captain of the sports team. He also sometimes participates in class discussions. One day, he held a job mowing the lawn for his parents when the landscapers got deported.

So when that anonymous person said “white b*stards,” did they mean people that think and do stuff ? In addition, when they said “overprivileged,” were they referring to the fact that 50 percent of Fappas work six hours a week for beer money? Or were they referring to the 50 percent of Fappas who must feel the burden of ask-ing their parents for money? When that troll said we “don’t care about anything except putting people down,” were they referring to our Instagram followers all over campus? Or that we do sports good? Or that we do stuff on campus too? Or that I care deeply for rhetorical questions?

But yes, this brave troll did get one thing correct. Along with thinking good and sporting great, the Fappa brothers look sexy in their Instagrams and christian mingle accounts.

About the author

Daniel Banta