April Fools: Iowa Basketball Star Caitlin Clark to Join SLU Women’s Hockey

By Timmy Boyce Last updated Apr 1, 2024

SLU Women’s Hockey will recieve a boost next year with star Iowa basketball player Caitlin Clark joining the team! PHOTO CREDIT: IOWA BASKETBALL

Caitlin Clark recently announced that DI college hoops are too easy for her, and after seeing the stellar play of the St. Lawrence women’s ice hockey team, she will be joining them for the 2024-25 season, per WojESPN. After challenging LeBron James (my sunshine) to a 1-v-1 game and winning 11-2, she has decided basketball is far too easy and wants a real challenge.

Hockey coach Chris Wells is excited about the opportunity.

“Clark is known for her three-point shooting ability. If she is able to score three points at once for us in hockey, we could win a lot of games,” Wells said. “Most women only score one at a time in hockey.”

There is much speculation about what drove Clark to this decision, including the potential NIL money that could come from playing in a large market such as Canton. She has received NIL offers from the big three sports companies – Adidas, New Balance and Intuit TurboTax.

But the real reason may be something else entirely, according to Clark herself.

“It’s every little girl’s dream to get out of practice and walk to Dana Dining Hall,” Clark said in a recent interview. “My parents, and grandparents before them, told me about how they always wished they too could see Dana John’s smiling face every day at Dana when they were little kids.”

Clark also said she wants to remain humble and not make too much money in life. In this interest, she seems to have found the perfect option – the only people who get paid less than WNBA players may be SLU student workers.

Clark will be pursuing her master’s degree in shapes and colors, as well as counting past 50. She has discussed adding a minor in either singing the alphabet or biomedical engineering.

Clark is currently engaged in the NCAA March Madness tournament, but she seems focused on the road ahead.

“They have me playing this silly tournament, but honestly I’d rather be practicing my slapshot,” Clark said. Bettors cover your eyes for this part. “I may just throw the next game so I can be done with this basketball hobby and focus on what I really care about — practicing our defensive schemes on the power kill.”

All in all, women’s ice hockey is set for an excellent next season, with some of the best returners in the country, several Olympians, and the face of college basketball all on one team. Quite an intimidating lineup for anyone not wearing the Scarlet and Brown.