satire

After the latest meeting with the Board of Trustees and President Fox, the St. Lawrence University Housing Task-force (SLUHT) has decided to tear down Dean Eaton Hall and erect a new dorm in its place. SLUHT’s decision to tear down the…

While on their spring break meeting in Cancun, the Board of Trustees met to officially re-designate President Fox as President Wolf. This is only the most recent ranking the University President has achieved but one of the most notoriously…

Starting in the Fall of 2018, the Patti McGill Peterson Center for International and Intercultural Studies Office is set to introduce a host of new abroad programs located all over the globe and in different time periods. With the purchase…

The New York Times reported Thursday that North Korea appears to have lost its nuclear weapons during a routine missile test. Regime officials are said to be unsure of how all of North Korea’s 60 warheads disappeared, but the state news…

BY MARTY PELLITIER On Monday, the Bob Jones University in South Carolina announced that they would be installing see-through glass residential rooms for all students in residence dormitories. The administration made this decision…

When the intrepid journalist Brian Corgi Boonius ’18 was driving back to St. Lawrence at 4 a.m. on Monday, he was driving quickly to make his 10:40 a.m. class. Somewhere in the Adirondacks, he reached a speed so fast that he managed to…

BY JOSH MA In an astounding turn of events, the office of Diversity and Inclusion reported that a preliminary report of the campus climate survey showed that discrimination at St. Lawrence University was virtually non-existent. “Sure,…

To be a good feminist, and I mean like, a really good feminist, which quite honestly is the only way to even be feminist, everything you do, eat, touch, look at, listen to, and yes, even drink, needs to be feminist. I know what you might be…