I recently awoke one blistery Canton morning to discover my stomach dreadfully empty– the kind of emptiness created by a late night filled with cheap beers and ice cold walks to and from the Ticker.
In an effort to rectify the issue, I dragged my sorry ass out of bed and made my way to the pub, all the while cursing our campus’ beautiful snow covered paths and wishing for a delivery system that did not apply solely to greasy pizza from the local pizzeria.
So, imagine my surprise when earlier this week when our dearly beloved fast-paced eatery announced that they would be offering delivery to students on campus during their daily hours of operation.
No longer will I be forced to limp out of bed on Saturday mornings. Instead, a very unfortunate pub worker will be forced to make their way to my room (which, by the way, is on the entire opposite end of campus) and deliver me my cheese omelette with a side of toast and hash browns. Luckily for them my still alcohol-oozing pores will break into a wide grin and possibly tip them generously.
Speaking of which, I do hope my full-flex meal plan will expand enough to allow for liberal tipping extravaganzas during those post-binge drinking mornings. Or, on second thought, midst pre-game as well, as those who know me well know I need at least one slice of pepperoni pizza when being dragged anywhere after midnight. With the incorporation of a delivery system into our adored late-night eatery, I may never be forced to leave my room again. Rather than rationalizing the ridiculously long walk to the Ticker by enticing myself with the eventual satisfaction of a large, Hot Tamale burrito post-dancing my heart out, I will instead allow my cravings to be fulfilled by some mozzarella sticks with a side broccoli, delivered by our very own Pub.
But why stop there? If I’m not venturing out of my room post- 11 p.m., why should I ever leave at all? The next step for me will certainly be clamoring for some good ol’ online classes, the kind that allow me to engorge myself on a Dr. Feelgood at any hour of the day whilst twiddling my thumbs and watching New Girl in the comfort of my own dorm sweet dorm.
On a side note, I’m currently placing my order for my personal favorite Friday snack, white chicken chili, via delivery. You should too.