Established in 1911 at St. Lawrence University
Established in 1911 at St. Lawrence University

If I Don’t Get the Money I Deserve, I Will Steal it National Treasure Style

1

Things I can spend $1200 on if I could actually get it: 

  • 200 Chicken & Cheese Pub Quesadillas 
  • Elkay LZS8WSLK EZH2O Bottle Filling Station with Single ADA Cooler, Filtered, 8 GPH, Light Gray
  • Zoom Pro for 80 Whole Months 
  • A Lawn Roomba 
  • 1,111 Coffee Refills at Brewer Bookstore (#caribouforlife)
  • 40 Titus Tickets (too soon?) 
  • 138 Fat Bags 
  • A Ton of Bagels…This isn’t hyperbole, I think I could probably get a ton of bagels. 
  • Idk like one fifty-seventh of my tuition 
  • Like 3 Gucci Belts, Dude. 
  • Lots of Spicy Water 
  • FORTY YEARS OF GOLF MAGAZINE 
  • My Study Abroad Down Payment Without Worry (too real?)
  • Probs Some Twitter Clout 
  • More Tattoos (I Am Severely Needing a Coverup) 
  • Dirt Bike @agehl 
  • 1/267th of a house (based on the average cost of a house in NYS…yikes) 
  • 800 Pub Cookies 
  • My Books For Future Semesters (Ugh, also too real)
  • Half the Vera Bradley Wall @ Brewer Bookstore
  • A Nintendo Switch AND Animal Crossing 
  • Tickets to That Tiger Place IDK I Haven’t Watched Tiger King Yet 
  • A Donation Bernie (I KNOW that man would’ve given me my $1200) 
  • So Many Tapestries It Would Be a Guaranteed Fire Hazard
  • More The Hill News Staff Hoodies (xoxo) 
  • Therapy, Bro (normalize it folks) 
  • Cardboard Cut Out of The Ice Age Baby So I Could Punch It (@Niamh, @Cole, @Maddie) 
  • Get Snoop Dogg To Tell Me He’s Proud of Me (No, really)
  • An Entire Movie Theater For Myself (Once they reopen! #flattenthecurve) So That I Don’t Feel Bad Crying at A24 Films
  • Some Cool Earrings…My Dream 

Anyways, I can’t get any of that because I’m not deemed worthy of receiving the $1,200, despite being a taxpayer who lost her job. What would you buy? Comment please; I want to know and laugh in these weird times. 

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1 Comment
  1. Niamh says

    I personally would purchase a cardboard cut out of the ice age baby and treat it with kindness and respect every human deserves

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