April Fools: Rise in Wand Violence
Concerns Rising Over Use of Dangerous Spells
Walking down the street these days, one cannot help but feel a measure of disquiet that was not present even as little as a year ago. In certain neighborhoods, it is all you do to keep your head down and avoid attracting attention. The debate for the cause rages on across the country, but what cannot be ignored is the results: wand violence is on the rise, particularly among young wizards, who remain one of society’s most susceptible groups even today.
A proposition I commonly see proposed is the rise of fanatic and extremist groups among the young wizard community, and there is certainly something to be said about this theory.
In recent years, the Brotherhood of Pointed Hats has been on the rise in membership, and their adherents cannot be ignored when scrying in the orb. They propose a radical strategy of complete spell deregulation, meaning even especially dangerous spells, such as Summon-Anvil-20-Feet-Over-This-Nerd’s-Head, would become completely legal for street use.
Despite the growing popularity among young wizards, the influence of the Brotherhood in the Wizard’s Council has fallen in recent years, and many of their policies have failed to be fully effective. An alternative theory offered by the Society of Concerned Witches is that recreational dueling is to blame for the increasingly dangerous conditions for young wizards. In particular, the society, colloquially referred to as “Brooms-Up-Their-Butts,” has targeted the Dueling League.
The league intends to create a relatively safe and regulated environment for using spells between wizards, either as a means of resolving disputes or simply as a recreational pastime. The Society of Concerned Witches, however, claims that the existence of the league promotes the use of dangerous magic, citing the transformation of the young Archibaldus the Mad into a rocking chair, which promptly fell apart under the weight of his aptly named opponent, Charles the Fat. The League counters this claim of irresponsibility by pointing out that Archibaldus the Mad, having already been turned into a Toyota Highlander earlier in the same year, was particularly susceptible to transfiguration and had been advised not to compete.
Of final note as a cause of the rise in violence is the proliferation of the magical narcotic Arcaine, frequently most often ingested as a form of beard oil. The mass-casting of Harold the Hungover three months ago, resulting in the deaths of three and the banishment of a dozen more to Hell, drew attention to the potentially berserk effects the substance can have on its users and led to cries for a crackdown on dealing. Whatever the cause may be, it remains an issue that affects us all and which ought to be addressed accordingly.