It’s a North Country turkey’s second-least favorite time of year, as Dana Dining Hall puts together one of the most celebrated meals of the year: Canadian Thanksgiving. The only thing louder than the chatter of family-style dinners at the kind-of funky smelling Dana booths are the stomach-growling questions about where exactly to start. So I set out, inspired by a four hour binge-watching of “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives” with Guy Fieri, to bring you guys my honest (and totally biased) opinions on Dana’s biggest night of the semester.
I’ll be breaking up the proteins, sides and desserts with a rating from 1-10, ranking them with deeper insights into their time on a hungry college student’s taste buds.
PROTEINS
Turkey (9.5/10)
Is it really Thanksgiving without it? It seemed like almost a given to have the quadruple-chinned bird start off the list on top. It’s surprising moisture and added goodness from that brown gravy makes the all-nighter study sessions that are synonymous with a St. Lawrence education almost worth it.
The best part are the slices, which make the eating experience easy and clean (imagine the horror of trying to pick up a footlong turkey leg with a Dana tong *shudders*).
Ham (8/10)
A solid second-fiddle to the night’s shining star, the ham did wonders during the times where the bright lights of eating turkey for the first time in 11 months sort of started to die down. It tasted good, but some pieces had more fat than meat, and the pieces with no fat ended up having the texture of the shower slippers I hope you’re all using.
Grilled Chicken (wt/f)
Come on. Don’t be that person. It’s Thanksgiving dinner. Leave the grilled chicken for another day.
SIDES
Poutine (10/10)
I’m going to say this now, in the name of transparency: I have never had poutine before the night I ate all this stuff. I can feel you already start to get that feeling to rip this paper to shreds, or ask yourself how someone who’s spent three years 15 minutes from the Canadian border never had the gooey good stuff; all of which are fair points.
But rest assured, this stuff was great. And the scary thing is, I’m sure there’s even better poutine out there in the world. Send me recommendations, I’m hungry.
Mashed Potatoes (9/10)
I’m convinced that all the items that should be covered in brown gravy get an automatic three-point boost in their rating here. The mashed potatoes were regular mashed potatoes- it’s the gravy that puts them over. It just makes everything better. Pour it on your transcript at your own risk.
Stuffing (5/10)
This was a real low-point in the night for me, mostly because it kind of reminded me of my appetite in my toddler years. I come from a place where stuffing is lively, zesty, and hearty. Texturally, this wasn’t for me.
DESSERTS
Apple Crumble (13/10)
Huh? What bias? Shout out to all the people who took the warm apple stuff and covered it in the ice cold vanilla ice cream from the machine up front. It’s what a liberal arts education should be used for, making the most of the tools at our disposal. Love it.
Pumpkin Pie (9/10)
At this point, I was starting to experience the symptoms of a fully-induced food coma from everything else I ate before this point. But one bite of the pumpkin pie kind of took all that away and replaced it with a reminder that there’s more to October than midterms and cold weather.
Honey Wheat Rolls (?)
I couldn’t eat anymore, but all my friends were giving me big thumbs up on these little loafs. Won’t give it a rating in hopes of protecting journalistic integrity, but had to give the people a voice. Positive stuff.
The Gum I Sat On When I Sat Down (0/0)
I don’t really want to talk about it.