Study Confirms Catcalling 97% Effective in Getting Laid

A new study published in the academic journal Sex Roles determined that men have a 97% success rate in developing a further relationship with a woman by catcalling her.

Drs. Barry G. Pierce and Trevor Ambrose, professors of sociology from the University of Texas A&M, have been studying attraction between the sexes. “We’ve devoted our life’s research to figuring out just how women work,” explains Dr. Pierce. In their study, Drs. Pierce and Ambrose interviewed thousands of women ages 15 to 35 about their interactions with male catcallers. Using a statistical computer program, they were able to translate those qualitative interviews into a success rate of 97%.

“It was a revolutionary discovery for us,” notes Dr. Pierce. “Before this groundbreaking study, the smartphone app Tinder was thought to be the best place to find a hookup and even start a long-term relationship. However, our research shows that catcalling is more than twice as effective as any app or online dating website!”

Complimenting a girl on her physical features by yelling at her as she walks by seems to be the best way to start a meaningful relationship today, according to this study. Old-fashioned face-to-face communication is really coming back in this age of technology and has returned to being the best way for men to get laid.

“At first I thought he was just confusing me with someone else when he just yelled ‘Lookin’ good, babes!’,” says Maggie Perez of her recent encounter with a catcaller during a trip to the beach. “My friend Anna and I were just lying on our towels trying to figure out which bars would have the hottest guys that night, and this guy noticed us and thoughtfully told us how good we looked in our bikinis! It just made my day!”

“We called him over and gave him our numbers,” Anna Tierney adds. “He invited us to party with his friends later and let’s just say our spring break got wild!”

Christine Peeler, also interviewed by Drs. Pierce and Ambrose, has been married to her husband for almost ten years. How did they meet?

“He actually noticed me while I was out for my daily jog through Central Park,” says Peeler. “I was wearing my favorite hot pink spandex that make my butt look really good, and he complimented me! He yelled, ‘Nice ass, sweetie!’ from across the park, and I just knew I had to go on a date with him. We’ve been together ever since, and I have never been happier; good men do exist!”

Catcalling can be a surprisingly effective way to catch a mate. However, men must be prepared to deal with the damaging effects the 3% failure rate can have on their psyches.

“We were surprised in discovering that men are denied approximately 3% of the time they catcall a woman,” notes Dr. Ambrose. “However, a man should not become alarmed or upset when he gets rejected. We hypothesize that most rejections are not the catcaller’s fault:  the women could have been lesbians, or their boyfriends were present to discourage potential suitors.”

“In any case, catcalling still proves to be the most effective method of attracting a woman’s attention and getting her to come home with you,” adds Dr. Pierce. “I would recommend trying catcalling to any man who is struggling to take his voyeurism to the next level. It really works!”