The University Steps in to Help SLUdents Find Their One
Are your thumbs tired of constantly swiping left or right? Are you tired of dealing with cheesy or overly aggressive pickup lines? Does Tinder just not have the right demographic for you? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then get ready for this. Coming to a website near you: SLUmingle.
This all-new dating website will allow SLUdents to explore a new option. The administration came up with the idea themselves in an effort to boost their SLU marriage statistic. We can expect to see this new dating site go live April 20 at 4:20 p.m. The administration has high hopes that this will provide a much better, easier platform for their students, since we all know we like to use the least amount of effort possible.
So what features will this site provide? Well for one, the series of questions will give the best insight into who each person is as an individual. Some questions include: favorite beer to shotgun, best jam to rage to, favorite pong shot, choice of late night Sergi’s, and fave Ticker song to get it on to.
The combination of these questions is intended to produce the best matches possible. “We have carefully observed SLUdent culture for some time now and believe that the questions we have selected will provide students with the best possible matches they could imagine,” shared a key player in the generation of the site. To make the pool as strong as possible, it appears that filling out the online profile will be a requirement for all incoming first-years.
The plan to boost SLU relationships does not just stop with the website, however. The university has more up its sleeve. Another feature on SLUmingle ties in with the university’s idea of having its very own Bachelor/Bachelorette. Upon completion of your online profile, SLUdents can check a box to enter in a drawing for the next Bachelor/Bachelorette. The show will be produced by our own social media team and will be a more condensed version of the ABC favorite. Rumored dates we can expect to see are Blues at the Hoot, going for a Ballsack at the Ticker, and getting moderately drunk at Pub 56.
The mini Bachelor/Bachelorette series will span over two weeks, and the plan is to roll them out continuously throughout the year. “We have high hopes that this will boost our SLU marriage statistic and make us more attractive to those who want both a strong liberal arts education and a lasting relationship,” the head of the relationship committee stated.
The university has high hopes for both the show and the dating site. “We want to steer people away from mingling with non-SLU folk on Tinder and more towards mingling within our own community,” P. Fox commented.
Beta testing with a group of 69 students passed with flying colors. One student shared, “It is great to see the university stepping up to help us out. I am eager to see what kind of matches I will get and cannot wait to watch our own Bachelor/Bachelorette.” Make sure to mark your calendars, Saints, and start thinking of what you have in mind for your ideal date.