President Fox announced on Monday that campus will now allow the consumption of all forms of marijuana. Sources say he plans to implement various outlets for the drug to be distributed on campus starting on April 20.
In this joint effort between the administration and dining services, the pub will be replacing their infamous “Pub Cookies” with “Pot Cookies,” and weed can be added to any order except for meal exchanges. In addition, Dana will replace celery in the organic bar with joints and the back dining room will be converted into a hotbox.
A representative from dining services says, “the more frequent and free use of marijuana at our facilities will give students unique experiences and open their pallets to the more refined flavors of our various eateries.”
In addition, dime bags will be sold at all hockey games and can be purchased with Dining Dollars. The sweater girls will provide joints to the entire student section and there will be a bazooka to shoot joints into the crowd between periods. Smoking, however, will be banned in the rink as not to defy NCAA regulations for the players. But don’t worry, Pot Cookies are sold at every game.
The bookstore will also sell dime bags and the Corkcicle bottle display will be replaced with a bong display. Vapes can be purchased at the café along with marijuana-infused lattes.
Also, each dorm building will now feature a vending machine in the common rooms that distribute various marijuana products, which can be purchased with CWA.
To combat student illness, the health center will now prescribe all patients CBD oil, no matter the severity of their debilitation. Tests will no longer be done and prescriptions will no longer be ordered, just stop by and grab your CBD, and you’ll be feeling fine.
Smoking marijuana will not be permitted in academic buildings. However, the Whitman Annex will be rebuilt this summer to accommodate students’ smoking needs during the cold winter months.
Smoking in dorms will be permitted as the mass student body already stays in their rooms to smoke anyway. Security just asks that no one cover their fire alarm as that would be a fire hazard.
Because smoking is now permitted in dorms, every room will not only come with basic furniture and trash cans, but also a lighter. With these new implementations, a new club on campus has formed called the “Baking Club.” However, minimal confectionary treats will be made.
You can join the group on Instagram @SLUbakes. They will begin to meet daily in the new Whitman annex next semester. But for now, they can be found hotboxing in Dana at 8pm Thursday nights before Java.