Chivalry means different things to different people. To some, all that comes to mind is men opening doors for women. Maybe a man putting his jacket on a woman when she gets cold.
Chivalry can be these things, but it is more than just that. Chivalry is behavior based on a belief system in which women are placed on a pedestal, morally “purer” or in need of greater protection than men. It may be about respect, but it is a specifically gendered form of respect.
Explicitly, it is based on a love and appreciation for women, but the underlying message is that women are inherently different than men in stereotypically gendered ways; they are men’s complement. This mindset is based in positive, well-intentioned beliefs, but ends up patronizing women by portraying them as being in need of help and protection, and by essentializing harmful gender stereotypes.
There is another term used to describe this exact same mindset: benevolent sexism. Men who score high in benevolent sexism show observable positive behavior toward women, but also show greater justification of an unequal gender system and less sympathy toward women survivors of sexual assault and abuse.
It’s also worth noting that, in the hegemonic context, worthiness of this protection is conditional. Women of color, lesbian women, and trans women are often completely excluded from this “pedestal” status.
The reason that benevolent sexism, exemplified by this chivalric mindset, is dangerous is because hostile sexism and benevolent sexism work together to uphold the system of gender oppression. Hostile sexism, which is defined by overt and blatant negative behaviors, particularly to women who challenge traditional roles, acts as the punishment for “bad” women who challenge the status quo, whereas benevolent sexism acts as the reward for “good” women who stay in line.
The rewards that women get from benevolent sexism serve a very important purpose. They make women benefit from a system that ultimately oppresses them, such that they are more resistant to challenge that system, lest they lose those benefits. This was actually proven by researchers Becker and Wright, who found that being exposed to benevolent sexism made women participants less likely to engage in collective action, by signing a gender equality petition, than women exposed to hostile sexism or a control stimulus.
This means that being reminded of the so-called benefits that the system gives us (although only some women receive them at all) makes us less likely to challenge it and uproot it.