Lights on Laurentians: “I’m Always Learning” Male Allies (and Others) at SLU
Henry sits in his plush armchair and fiddles nervously with a tripod. “I mean, to put it really bluntly, it means listening to other people and accepting the validity in other people’s experiences” he says. I look around Henry’s dorm room and observe a framed photo of his father as a young man on a side table and a poster of The Rolling Stones on the wall. Henry shifts in his chair and continues, “It’s mostly with people who are different than I am. People who have different lives and experience more struggle than I would or someone like me would.”
Henry is describing what he believes a male ally is; he is one of a few close male friends of mine who would describe themselves as such. Though my own male friends may identify this way, is this true for other men on campus? I wanted to know other women’s experiences with male allies, what goes into being one, and how both men and women can improve this position.
Kelsey folds her massive pile of laundry while the sweet aroma of candles burns through her room. “I know a decent amount of male allies, but I also know a lot of men who, in some ways, feel intimidated to identify as a feminist, because they don’t feel like it’s their place. I feel like people like to say that they’re something, but don’t act on that identification. In theory, I guess there are more here than there might be at a non-liberal arts institution” she says. Kelsey sums up her thoughts by emphasizing what she thinks is the main problem with self-identified male allies: a lack of action.
The lack of action was one of the common themes that reappeared while I was researching for this article. Activism is the cool “in” thing nowadays. Everyone seems to have that one friend who shares every social justice post to their Facebook feed, but when is the last time that this person showed up for the actual conversation? This issue goes for everyone, not just men, but Kelsey says that a lot of men might be hesitant to take action for various reasons. “They don’t want to say the wrong thing or offend someone. I think that a lot of men want the things that it means to be a male feminist but don’t know how to express these thoughts, put them into action, or even have a space to express them.”
My colleague Rian at the student info desk takes on a similar view as Kelsey on the issue of inaction: “students here aren’t very active on certain topics. There are guys who say they’re feminists, but it comes down to action. There’s just not enough.” Rian emphasizes the importance of inclusivity in order to better educate men on these issues and help solve the problem of inactivity. Women often do not include men in conversations about feminism and women’s issues. “If we keep excluding men, how are they supposed to learn?” asks Rian.
Rian and Kelsey also point out the lack of awareness about intersectionality in both men and women. Rian uses the example of environmental issues, something that many SLU students are passionate about. However, a lot of people on campus will overlook the issue of environmental racism, which is something that could bring even more people on board with environmental activism. Kelsey echoes this, saying, “Men can be more inclusive in their thought processes, but it’s not just men. Everyone can do this in their actions.”
So where do we go from here? How do men improve their stance as feminists? Both Rian and Kelsey cite specific examples of where they’d like to see men improve. “Male allies can be more aware of various issues that affect women,” Kelsey tells me. “Like, a lot of men will just view it as ‘Oh, men and women aren’t equal in the workplace because women get paid less,’ but there’s more social phenomena at play that goes beyond that. Also, men don’t move out of the way in public spaces. I always find that myself and other women are the ones to move. Men need to be more aware of the little things.”
In addition to more intersectionality, Rian would like to see more men of color supporting women of color and body positivity. “Just being more aware of these topics. Even male body positivity is an important topic to be discussed, but women are more subjected to body shaming overall.”
The final point that each woman makes is that men should hold their other friends accountable for their actions and educate other men. “What matters is that people are actively trying to be better. Someone can be a decent person but can make a bad mistake. That of course does not excuse the mistake, but people are complex,” Kelsey explains. “Help your friends change, don’t just excuse them and say that they’re a good guy. Help them recognize that they made a mistake, and teach them how to take responsibility for that mistake.”
And what about other activists, beyond male allies? Kelsey once again reiterates the importance of real activism. “Follow through in all kinds of social justice. It’s easy to commit through words, but actions mean something, too. Awareness is the biggest thing.”
Henry speaks more confidently now as our conversation draws to a close. “I think as I’ve grown to learn about more segments of the population who bear the brunt of the patriarchy, and learning how many parts of the population are subject to that, that has really just made me more of a feminist.” We close our discussion by Henry answering if he thinks that he has room for improvements. “Absolutely,” he responds with utmost certainty. “In high school, feminism meant women as one cohesive body getting the rights that they don’t already have, but it’s much more complex than just women as one gender or sex. It involves race, class, sexual orientation, etc. I’m always learning.”