April Fools: Professors Mourn the Loss of Their Jobs to Chat GPT
St. Lawrence University is removing all current professors at the school to help with budget cuts. After the news of SLU’s public $11.5 million debt, major changes were needed.
A recent announcement was made by Kate Morris, president of SLU, via email after students returned to campus from spring break. The email was titled “Budget Cuts: A 5 Step Plan to No Debt,” and contained the news that no professors would return for the following fall semester. “This was news to me,” said Juraj Kittler, associate professor in the PCA and English departments. “I found out I lost my job to Chat GPT through an email. That’s telling of the times we live in now,” he said.
Even though SLU has implemented new rules about the use of Chat GPT in the handbook, the administration has put aside the days of dishing out yearly checks and are welcoming the program with open arms. “We thought it was time to embrace the new technology available to us,” said Morris. “As much as we love our professors, years of experience in their fields does not compare to the applied science of Chat GPT,” Morris said. Although many professors have made it clear that their class will not be using Chat GPT in any form, Morris indicated that this is because they know it is smarter than them.
Chat GPT, a free to use AI system, is the latest and most financially stable way for students to find someone else to write their final due at 11:59 p.m., is a free to use AI system. It is set up conveniently as a chat box for the young audience to feel as though they are texting and not doing any work. “It learns as it goes, something that can be hard for real professors,” said Morris. No longer are the days of running into your professor outside of class, waiting for them to respond to emails, or having to go to in-person meetings. Chat GPT will work on the student’s time, allowing them to focus on more important extracurriculars. Although SLU will no longer be able to boast their 11-to1 student-faculty ratio on tours anymore, it is a signal of growth for the school. For the academics, this will mean their favorite professors they share too much personal information with will no longer be around. However, as mentioned, Chat GPT learns as it continues to get used, so emotions will soon be understood, and it can double as a therapist and doctor for students.
“We are hoping for more than just lowering our expenses through the professor’s salary. Hopefully this change will keep some students home and lower the use of academic buildings so we can spend less money on heating,” said Morris. While the Chat GPT option is lowering the budget significantly, Morris wants to continue and focus on the growth of the programs offered at SLU. “We will be able to devote more time to our new extracurriculars such as Advanced Cowbells, Beginning Binge-watching, and Intermediate French Kissing,” said Morris.
Although professors will be out of their jobs entirely, some took this as a sign to change their life path. “As a professor of journalism, I don’t know what I will do with my life now that I won’t be teaching. I might go on a permanent vacation to Venice and take up crocheting,” Kittler said. As for other professors, some will struggle finding a way to make the same amount they did teaching kids while they play the New York Times mini games. “I’ve heard you can make a lot of money on Etsy selling crochet tops,” said Kittler.