April Fools: Lyndaker No Longer A National Champion
Busted for PED Use
In a development sending shockwaves through the Division III running community, St. Lawrence University’s Nick Lyndaker ’666 has officially been stripped of his NCAA Indoor Mile Championship title following a positive test for Erythropoietin, a banned performance-enhancing substance. The ruling comes just weeks after Lyndaker’s impressive 4:06.45 victory that earned him the national title and widespread acclaim on campus and beyond.
According to a statement released by the NCAA, routine post-race testing revealed the presence of synthetic EPO in Lyndaker’s system. This drug increases red blood cell production and oxygen delivery, giving endurance athletes a significant competitive edge. As a result, Lyndaker’s title, medal and official time will be rescinded, and second-place finisher Jonathan Zavala M’13 from SUNY Brockport will be elevated to first. SUNY Brockport photographer Charlie Alekson M’666 commented, “After watching him clinch the title in person, I knew something was up; I’m glad the title now belongs to Mid Distance U.”
While the use of performance-enhancing drugs is often associated with professional sports, particularly in high-profile cases in cycling and elite track and field, this incident highlights the growing concern about doping, even at the collegiate level.
“People assume Division III is insulated from this kind of thing because there’s little money or sponsorship pressure compared to other high-level sports,” said Mathew Taylor ’4, resident LetsRun.com commentator and sports editor at The Hill News. “However, Lyndaker was on the verge of signing a high-value NIL deal with Bethel Maine Historical Society, which could have pushed him to explore performance-enhancing substances.” When members of the NCAA safe-sport division raided his room in Kirk Douglas Hall, they came up short of finding additional drugs, “We did, however, find a lot of cookies…like…a concerning amount,” said one official.
Data from the United States Anti-Doping Agency shows that while testing in Division III is far less frequent than at higher levels, instances of banned substance use, whether intentional or due to unregulated supplements, are on the rise. “This is a wake-up call,” said one SLU track and field coach, who asked to remain anonymous. “Not just for athletes, but for athletic departments. At SLU, we will be implementing a daily drug testing policy for anyone who runs faster than their prescribed workout pace in order to combat this trend.”
When asked if he would appeal the NCAA’s decision, Lyndaker said, “Nah, as long as I get to keep my Scarlet vs. Brown Intersquad 800m title, I’m okay; it really gives me more time to focus on my true passion, Fortnite, which I’m better at anyway.” SLU Esports captain Ricky Schneider ‘39 says, “We’re viewing this whole situation as an opportunity to see if his talents on the track can now be used in the computer lab.”
The SLU athletic department released a brief statement acknowledging the NCAA’s decision and reaffirming its commitment to clean sport. “We take these matters seriously and are committed to supporting our student-athletes with the resources and education they need to make informed choices,” it read. Lyndaker’s case will no doubt stir ongoing debate about pressure in collegiate athletics, access to supplements, and performance limits. For now, the mile title will be reassigned, and Lyndaker’s name removed from official record books. But his legacy, complicated as it now is, will likely endure on campus for years to come. “He was one of the most gifted runners this school’s ever seen,” said Colin Young ‘28. “I just always thought he was fueled by Pub Cookies, not synthetic performance enhancers.”