Stop Giving Me Deaths, Bring Me The Gays (Please)

If you haven’t heard, one of the Disney+ originals slated to be released was a spinoff series based on the film “Love, Simon” called “Love, Victor”. In case you live under a rock, “Love, Simon” is a teen rom-com about a kid in high school who’s gay and must come out to his school because of a bully. Spoiler, he kisses a boy (A BOY! ON THE LIPS!) on a ferris wheel at the end…and gets a boyfriend. Wow. Anywho, the show was officially cancelled. Cut. Done-zo. Why? Well, let’s be real: large corporations love homophobes’ money too much to risk losing some of it, even when it wouldn’t be detrimental. The show was deemed ‘not family friendly’. But don’t you worry fellas. I’ve compiled a short list of things that are family friendly, based on Disney+ standards: programs that they keep on their streaming service so that everyone in the family can enjoy. 

1. “Lion King”  

Mufasa gets trampled by a bajillion wildebeest. It’s heartbreaking, and quite dramatic when rewatched. A son loses his father, and we learn about politics and watch as the Pridelands nearly starve themselves. But a boy giving googly eyes to another boy? Apparently unspeakable. 

2. “Avengers: Endgame” 

Spoiler bro, but Thanos gets f**king beheaded. It’s not even subtle. Nebula caresses the head. Thor wipes off his shiny axe. Yes, let’s let five year old Timmy watch a brutal execution, but two men goin’ on a date? Eating a nice meal together? Timmy cover your eyes!

3. Literally any of “Star Wars” films 

I hate to break it to you but at least one person per episode dies. Also, ships explode, Luke kisses his sister, and the dark side’s ideals are pretty ethically skewed. Let’s promote violence, but apparently we can’t promote love. 

4. Probably something on National Geographic 

So you’re tellin’ me my kid can watch animals hunting each other and reproducing in a documentary but finding LOVE IS UNNATURAL? A leopard eating an elk? Fine. Two boyfriends giving each other a smooch? NAH. 

5. “Pirates of the Caribbean” 

I’m not even going into logistics with this one. Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow is enough. But I can’t get a portrayal of a gay couple or gay character? I have to just deal with Jack prancing around for three hours? Seems pretty unfair to me. 

6. “Ice Age” 

@Ice Age Baby: not on my watch. 

7. “Bambi” 

This man’s mama gets shot down in front of our very eyes. I’m old enough to watch death over and over again, but wouldn’t be safe if I saw two men holding hands. 

8. “Tangled”

MOTHER GOTHEL IS TERRIFYING AND I LIVE BY THAT. Kidnapping is ok if you get some sick healing hair out of it. Two dudes flirting with each other? Apparently not ok.  

9. “Old Yeller” 

I’ll save you a trip to doesthedogdie.com. It does. So did my hope for healthy LGBTQ+ representation. 

10. “Avatar” 

Ah yes, James Cameron’s baby. As an 11 year-old, this movie freaked me out the first time when I saw it so I got beef, but I can tell you it ain’t family friendly. Unless we’re now promote mass genocide as a family virtue. Yikes. But again, as I must say, apparently two people in an LGBTQ+ relationship is NOT one of those virtues. 

Will I keep watching these? Probably. Will families continue to show their kids these? Yes. 

Would LGBTQ+ representation help a lot of kids? Yes. 

On that note, as always, support love, not violence. Care about compassion, not corporations. 

Peace out folks.