New Year, New SLU

By: Olivia White
Features Editor
It’s that time of year again, folks! Time to commit to things you’ll slowly lose enthusiasm for as the months trickle by with the snow and winter melts to spring. New Year’s resolutions inspire the ambitious pro-wellness, healthy-eating, fitness gurus in all of us, if only for a few shimmering moments of the shiny New Year. However, studies show that most people peter out before February. Here are a few resolutions that, while equally as beneficial as remembering to eat four servings of fruit a day, are certainly more feasible for the average SLUdent.
1. Eat an entire Sergi’s pizza roll/fat-bag/greasy dough pocket of heart attack waiting to happen, by yourself: While not particularly healthy, a task of this nature certainly requires some serious commitment. You might consider fasting, or perhaps, beginning a diet regime which mirrors that of Tekeru Kobayashi. Or you could succumb to an alcohol-fueled ambition, dial the number that has become a pizza lifeline for so many, and just go for it. No promises that the morning after will be particularly pleasant.
2. Naked snow angels: Quad experience 2.0. And doesn’t the snow just look so enticingly fluffy as the dwindling hours of Saturday blend into the early hours of Sunday? It’s really the perfect canvas for embracing you in all your unclothed glory.
3. Think about going to the gym occasionally: And then decide against it because all of Friends is on Netflix and wasting time at the gym means wasting time spent thinking about maybe reading that thing for your Government seminar. Not to mention, this time of year the place is packed and who really wants to observe other’s sweaty bodies while patiently staking out a cardio machine and throwing shade at every person that threatens to take it.
4. Commit to not constantly checking up on last semester’s FWB’s/your ex-bf’s or gf’s social media presence: Go you for unfollowing him on Twitter and blocking her from showing up in your Facebook newsfeed! You totally rock and are definitely the bigger person! Unfortunately, constantly refreshing “ex-romantic interest’s” non-private Instagram account for signs of a new fling undermines all of the willpower demonstrated by the previous accomplishments. This it totally not something I do.
5. Write for the Hill News: Seriously, write for us. Write riveting, moving, edgy pieces much like the one you’re currently reading. Aside from affecting the masses with your hard-hitting News piece or poignant Features story, seeing your name in print is extremely rewarding. Being published means the opportunity to momentarily bask in your self-importance. Also your mom would probably be really proud.
In all seriousness, by reflecting on what we feel we’ve missed out on in the past year, New Years resolutions allow us to challenge ourselves to engage in new and unique experiences. As it just so happens, college is the perfect setting for doing just that. You don’t have to “resolve to lose weight” or “resolve to subsist on an entirely raw-vegan, gluten-free, blood-type, Paleo diet.” Get creative. Resolve to meet up with old friends from FYP. Or go night skiing on the golf course. Resolve to speak up more in class or join Advocates. Write poetry. Try soap-making or wood carving. Go to a squash match held in the fancy glass court. Get in the habit of running early in the morning when campus is still asleep. Soak up new sounds at Java. Make collages. Rock climb. SLU is your oyster. Crack it open.