Depp and Heard: A Study on Abusive Relationships

In case you haven’t heard about the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp dispute, or in case the algorithm prevents you from hearing Heard’s side or Depp’s side, here is a short recap of what is currently blowing up the internet. Well, my internet at least. 

In 2016, Heard filed for divorce and a restraining order against Depp stating that “[she] live[s] in fear that Johnny will return to the residence unannounced to terrorize [her], physically and emotionally.” However, in early February, an audio recording was leaked by DailyMail.com, a UK tabloid, that contained the conversation of the ex-couple dated back to 2015 when Heard admitted to hitting Depp. The audio supported Depp’s $50 million defamation lawsuit against Heard claiming that, in part, she was abusing him too. The #JusticeforJohnnyDepp trended on Twitter, and our idea of a “perfect victim” and a “typical abuser” was shattered. This is an Asia Argento and Harvey Weinstein case all over again.

People are taking different sides, creating narratives that favor their beliefs and biases. Some said that Heard should not be the one being vocal about domestic violence when she threw a Vodka bottle that shattered Depp’s fingertip. Others said that Depp is just trying to once again traumatize Heard and guilt people into trusting him at the expense of Heard. Yet, few to none of the “netizen” are realizing that taking sides does not get us anywhere.

Nylah Burton talked about myths of “the perfect victim” and “the typical abuser” in her BitchMedia article “All Victims Can Be Perpetrators.” She suggested that giving in to the urge to see abuse as a binary would result in creating a less safe environment for the surrounding community. “We send the message that we won’t listen to their stories, empathize with their pain, and meet their needs,” she said. “Accepting that perpetrators of abuse are often victims as well, we can better understand and address the dynamics of interpersonal violence.”

However, with #JusticeforJohnnyDepp, the media is switching sides to defend Heard, providing a channel for people to call Heard with names like “sociopath” and “liar” and immediately cleared Depp with any abusive behaviors towards Heard. Just so that we can return to the binary state of abuse. According to Burton, “our society has not yet accepted that women can inflict horrible wounds and still be horribly wounded themselves.”

Are they both victims? Yes. Are they both perpetrators? Yes. So, why are we taking sides, when both of them need to be listened to and need to be held accountable?

For Burton, she suggested that “acknowledging duality and complexity requires us to admit that we, too, might be capable of inflicting abuse on others—and to recognize that we may have already done so.” Depp and Heard might do harm to one another during and after their toxic marriage, but we need to acknowledge that along with holding space for both of them. The complexity of this dispute allows us to broaden our understanding of identities in an abusive relationship. Acknowledging these multifaceted issues also strengthens a world where victims are supported and violence is eliminated. Only then will people come forward without fear.