Dear Dub: Get Your D*ck Out of the Basket
As liberal arts students we are often asked to critically analyze situations, often times critically analyzing ourselves as well. What are our biases? How are socially positioned? What privilege do we hold and what oppressions do we face?
These questions may be challenging for some while the answer may come more easily to others, but one thing I’ve noticed is that once we step out of the classroom, these analytical skills slip away, waiting below the surface in our subconscious, waiting to be called on next time class time comes around.
How frequently do you consider your positionality? Have you ever thought about how you occupy space and whether these spaces are safe for you? For some students, these are not theoretical class concepts, but rather their everyday lived experiences.
I took the liberty of speaking to a few students about their experiences here at St. Lawrence. Most conversations focused on some of our most public spaces here at SLU: sidewalks and the pub. We all have our friend groups and common places but most students, regardless of their identity, eat and walk between buildings. I hope to analytically approach our everyday interactions in the same way we do in classes.
Several students, all identifying as women, cited habitual instances of being shoved past, forced to step into large snowbanks or generally being the person to move out of the way when a traffic jam occurs on the sidewalk. Perhaps not the largest offence, but these patterns of behavior are not limited to our sidewalks. Privilege is manifested in a number of ways and occupying space or forcing others out of space is one way.
When engaging in a discussion about the pub, many expressed frustrations around respect of space, particularly during busy times such as the lunch rush. People are frequently shoved into, bumped into, or rubbed up against without a word. While some people may not mind a bump, for some, it may change the course of their day. Regardless of the effect, everyone’s body is their own.
One student told me a story in which she was standing near the fridge waiting for her food. It’s about 2’ o clock, so not exactly a busy time. There are oodles of space swimming around her. Another student chooses to place a hand on the small of her back and step behind her. That touch wasn’t necessary or consensual.
These are trends that escalate. Other women I have spoken to echo the sentiments of this story with countless stories of men touching the small of their back, their waist, their butt. This is an invasion of space.
Over time, I have heard story after story and at first, I thought the theme was consent, and I don’t think that’s wrong. However, if you dive to the core of many of these stories the true theme is space and privilege. Are you aware of others and the impact of your actions? Do you create safe spaces for others, or do you just assume that because a space feels safe to you, that it is?
We come to college to learn how to critically think but more importantly to grow up and shape ourselves into who we want to be in the world. If we can’t become empathetic and compassionate community members here, when will we ever?
As a non-binary person, I regularly have to gauge spaces. I have to decide if I feel safe, safe enough to come out, safe enough to correct people on my pronouns, safe enough to be myself. There are many spaces where I don’t, and I still hold a lot of privilege. I’m white, and able-bodied, and I’m a palatable enough queer for most people.
After reading this, I hope you will consider what your values are and what kind of world you want to live in. Please consider that if you don’t know people of a certain identity here on campus, it’s not because there isn’t a vibrant community, but rather because you have made it clear to them that you are not a safe person to them and therefore, more space has been taken from them.
Finally, when people come together in places like the pub, be respectful and for god’s sake: let everyone put their order in and get your dick out of the basket.