I think this might be a strong generalization, but as women, we tend to embody the nature of nurturing.
Think back to the friendships, relationships, and, most importantly, the situationships that you’ve allowed yourself to fall into with the mentality that you can fix someone or their situation.
It’s scary to find yourself making excuses in the name of understanding things. In my personal experiences, I ‘ve watched many women in my life tolerate asshole behavior, justifying it with statements like “he’s going through something,” “he’s different with me,” or perhaps “he’s not ready for commitment because of his circumstances.”
This is not an article on why men aren’t shit, although I have a lot to say about that topic as well. I think it is easy sometimes not to see things for what they are when we always choose to be understanding.
I think attending a small liberal arts school like St. Lawrence offers us the opportunity to be connected and concentrated in a small community. It has its positive attributes, but SLU also comes with the territory of it’s bubble.
Therefore, it is harder sometimes to be self-aware when you are surrounded in an environment that pertains to the culture of being comfortable and not addressing the gray areas that exist. Therefore, when meeting individuals who have experienced a different upbringing than us, it could be easy to use their life experience to justify their actions and essentially tolerate the bad habits they come along with.
Nevertheless, I think there is beauty in nurturing and I don’t think that it is only women who nurture, but I am speaking from my positionality as a woman. It is important that we make a distinction between understanding and tolerating. I think it is emotionally exhausting to use the term “understanding” to protect ourselves from the truth. I am not saying that we should not extend understanding but rather do so with diligence and care for ourselves as well.