Dear Dub: OKAY, YEAH, WE’RE PUMPED. TITUS ADVICE & HOW TO DO IT RIGHT

It’s me – your Hill News Sex Therapist – back for more fun. This time, we’re talking about the upcoming event that’s probably on all of our minds – TITUS! Maybe you’ve never been, maybe you’re a fourth-time-around-the-block Titus connoisseur, or maybe you just want everyone to stop all this goddamn Party Mountain talk. I can’t really help you with that last one – sorry mate, everyone just loves a good excuse to dress like an absolute jerry, cram onto a magic school bus, and strap those planks on for a few early-March slushy sends. But don’t worry if you don’t dabble in the snow sport community: Titus is family, friendly fun for all. 

Based on a recent survey that I have just conducted with a few friendly passersby in ODY, three out of three individuals said that they have “kissed”, “touched”, or “hooked up” with someone at either Rail Jam or Titus in the past. The same survey with the same friendly passersby revealed that three out of three individuals also “drank”, “binge drank”, or “drank heavily” at one of the two weekend events. 

Yeah, you heard those statistics right. Maybe it’s the sexy neon, the change of scenery, the boost of adrenaline, the once-a-year, world-renowned hype. Whatever the cause, Titus is extra exciting, and extra exciting events lead to mayhem! 

But don’t let the stoke get the best of your judgement. The Hill New Sex Therapist is here to give you my three best pieces of Titus advice:

 #1: Before you stick your hand in someone’s fanny pack to grab those sick shades, rub someone’s dinosaur onesie, or even grab that vintage Patagonia windbreaker to pull them close: just ASK! Before you jam your way down that rail (if you know what I mean) just wait for that neon green light GO and don’t forget protection if you do end up in that locked bathroom stall, although I personally recommend taking it to the woods. 

#2: Stay safe out there, Saints! Titus can get chaotic, and in that chaos it’s easy to get carried away by all the fun. Morgan Pratt ’20, Outing Club member herself, says her best piece of Titus advice is to “think about your body the next day.” Especially if you’re strapping on those wooden sliders, take it easy, remember your limits, and don’t forget that your friends will still love you even if you don’t attempt that super sick 180 with the back grab. Morgan also wants to remind Party Mountain People that “if you need a friend, find sober Garret, and sober Garret will be there for you.” My last piece of advice, my fellow party people: 

#3: Don’t be a dick! Titus doesn’t just happen on its own, and we have the Outing Club to thank for that! If you see any of those super rad peeps out there in those super rad blue flat-brims, THANK THEM! While you’re feeling gracious, thank the bus drivers! Thank the bus drivers a second time on your way home and maybe a third time or a fourth. 

Alright Saints, I’ve made my point – I’m excited. We’re all excited (maybe too excited), but play it cool, keep your chill, ask for consent, be respectful, dig out those metallic leggings from under your bed and get ready for your yearly fill of arctic tomfoolery. We might be dressed like it’s 1983, but don’t forget it’s 2020 and being a good person is back in style. 

I’ll let you figure the rest out. See you on the slopes. 

Over n’ out. 

Hill News Sex Therapist