No FOMO: Why It’s Okay Not to Go Out

It’s easy to underestimate the challenges of being a college student. “The best four years of your life” are always advertised as as a sort of dream—one full of parties, laughter and endless opportunities for fun. 

Even the parents who lived through their own four years at a university will tell you how much fun you’re going to have at school. They’re right, but they’ve also forgotten the course load, stress, and extreme lack of sleep from trying to balance it all. 

In my freshman year, I worked hard to get myself to every party and make fast friends as I went. I balanced a sports team, a full course load, and multiple clubs. Somehow I managed to make it to at least one party three days a week— but it came at a price. I was falling asleep in class, not to mention physically sick and forgetting to eat because I was so stressed. 

I’m not unlike many of my friends, who have shared their own experiences on partying freshman year. 

Brianna Larrabee ‘22 said that she felt the positive and negative effects of partying freshman year. “I felt pressure in the beginning, but I was excited to be part of the social atmosphere of SLU,” she said. “Towards the middle/end of second semester, it became exhausting to go out every weekend. I could tell it wasn’t benefiting me health-wise.” 

There are certainly benefits to going out and having fun with your friends on a weekend. Plenty of upper-classmen party, but this year I have found it much easier to be honest with myself about my motives for going out. I have to ask myself, “am I going out because I’m in the mood to be social, or because I feel like it’s what I feel like I should be doing on a Friday night?” 

Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) is a term used to describe this particular predicament, where students are so afraid to miss out on the social aspects of college that they make sacrifices in other areas of their life. 

Another student, Margaret Dener ‘22, said that she felt this phenomenon, and was worried she wouldn’t make friends if she didn’t participate in the party atmosphere at St. Lawrence.

“I felt a lot of pressure to go out freshman year because everyone was doing it, which I know is stupid but I also wanted to fit in at SLU,” she said. “I wanted to make friends.” 

As a sophomore, I feel much more comfortable giving myself a night in when I know I need it. I don’t end up sleeping in until noon, and I don’t have to devote my entire Sunday cramming for the upcoming week. I still go out most weekends, but it’s only on the nights that I know I am going to have fun. 

Larrabee said that when she finally had a night in, she was surprised how good it felt. “On the nights I decided not to go out, I was happy to wake up and not feel like crap. I was like ‘Wow, I can’t believe this exists on the weekends.’ It was nice to have it [partying] as part of my experience, but then I realized that it’s nice to relax and have a night for myself.” 

Dener stated that she also feels much more comfortable staying in this semester. “This year I have an amazing group of friends, and I don’t care as much about finding parties on the weekends,” she reflected. “Some nights I’d rather watch a stupid rom com with my roomate,” Dener said. 

I’m not here to shame you into not going out, especially because it would make me a hypocrite. 

I just want you to know that it’s okay to prioritize yourself once in a while, and your friends will still be there in the morning. I can also promise you that you’re probably not missing out on anything major. 

Trust me, you’ll feel better when you get a great exam grade because you used Thursday night to study, especially when you learn that Java was mediocre that night anyway. 

Yes, you always run the risk of missing out on a good thing, but you’ll get better at detecting which nights to miss the longer you’re here. 

Either way, I hope you have the best experience you can at St. Lawrence, because that is ultimately the most important thing.