Valentine’s Day Hurts: The Pain of Heteronormativity

Valentine’s Day hurts.

Not in any sort of ‘I was rejected right before the big day’ sort of way. I think we all have our own negative experiences with Valentine’s Day. And our own positive things, as well. But that’s not what I’m really talking about hurting.

I step into the grocery store. There’s bouquets, with tags like ‘for her’ and ‘for him’. The cards are mostly ‘from boyfriend to girlfriend’, or vice versa. There’s so many layers to it- a heteronormative holiday, created and advertized as a way to sell chocolate and flowers. A day created under capitalism, outside of the realm of the human connections that they so claim to honor on Feb. 14.

Where’s the excitement, the cards, the bouquets, the boxes of chocolate, for my friend and his boyfriend? Where’s the same energy for people who fall outside of the binary? I don’t want to be given a box of chocolates intended to be given to a boyfriend or a girlfriend- I’m not a boy or a girl, those gifts are not for me. Why is this day, said to be created to celebrate love, so exclusive in who it allows to celebrate?

Don’t get me wrong, I love Valentine’s Day. I love spending time with friends that I love, I enjoy the discounted chocolate I can get from the candy aisle the day after, and seeing my friends be cute with the ones they love makes me smile. 

But it is not a holiday made for me- no matter how much I enjoy celebrating, no matter how much cheap chocolate I eat, it isn’t something I can personally truly enjoy or participate in. And it really hurts to see and understand.