Boot ‘n’ Paddle: Getting Drunk in the Woods

Greetings, fellow SLUzers! As the grass begins to peek out from under the last vestiges of snow, it’s a sure sign that spring is upon us. This changing of the seasons is special to us in the OC for a number of reasons, including more hiking, paddling and even maple sugaring.

However, more than all of those, the most sacred of all outdoors activities can finally begin in earnest, without any namby-pamby hats or shoes or pants. Indeed, this past week, the OC sent a trip to. Get Drunk in the Woods.

At exactly one hour later than their email said they were going to leave, trip leaders Abby Rondack and Al K. Hallic drove off to the nearby, beautiful Adirondacks for their great adventure. The Adirondacks are the largest protected area in the country, home to sylvan stands of white pine and rushing rivers of snowmelt.

The scenic beauty of the park is nothing to scoff at, with nature-pilgrims journeying thousands of miles to breathe the cool forest air and admire the majesty of the 46 High Peaks. Of course, these things also make the Adirondack Park the perfect place to Get Drunk in the Woods.

Arriving at the Woods, Rondack, Hallic, and their participants began to unload their gear. Getting Drunk in the Woods is a time-honored tradition, but it’s not without skill.

For Rondack, there are some crucial pieces of gear to bring along. “For my own use, I always bring a few cases of PBR, a handle of Canadian Mist whiskey, and honestly, any brand of tequila,” Rondack reports, “By the time I’m drinking the tequila, I can drink pretty much whatever I want and I won’t be able to tell the difference.”  Upon further questioning regarding the safety of such an endeavor, Rondack spit in disgust and asked, “What are we? The Outdoor Program?”

Once unpacked, Rondack and Hallic led their participants in the difficult task of getting absolutely fucking trashed. Each brave explorer drank a shitload of beer, and it was really cool. Also, everyone was outside, so they all felt like they were doing something. Says Hallic, “Everybody was wasted. Outrageous fun. I saw a tight-ass deer and then I hurled because I had also just chugged a liter of vodka.”

By the time everyone had stumbled back to the van, Rondack recalled trip participant Jackson Hole throwing the keys into the woods. “Half the kids were passed out anyway, so it really only made sense to make the trip an overnight,” slurred Rondack.

One by one, members of the excursion slumped to the ground and passed out, awakening the next morning covered in dew and vomit. Groggily, the van was loaded, and, after participant Joshua Tree revealed he had hidden the keys in his underwear, the explorers lurched back home.

It’s easy to see why we in the Outing Club love the outdoors so much. Quite literally, there is nowhere else where one can get Drunk in the Woods. It’s a time-honored tradition, and one of the things that makes St. Lawrence such a unique and special place. Next week: Foraging for mushrooms while tripping!

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