With warm weather comes a shedding of clothes, cares, and apparently a ton of litter. Yes, trash: butts, roaches, bottle caps, etc. Microtrash in abundance has been sprinkled over every outdoor green space where I would like to lay a picnic blanket and write the novel that will start my award-winning career. But alas, as the high temps draw crowds of coeds out of the shelter of the dorms, my dreams are dashed. I cannot deal with the icky sticky leftovers of your epic barbecue and corn hole tournament. This is discriminatory treatment of people who like being barefoot and their allies; and I can stand it no longer. It is impossible to take a leisurely stroll and feel the grass between your toes without having to stare at your path as to avoid sharp, gross artifacts of drunkenness. This is not saintly behavior, saints. Honestly, the biology department could do a survey of pollution on the various quads and lawns that grace our campus and probably find that the levels are too high to support an ecosystem.
We all love the squirrels, don’t we? Well how do you think they like it when their stomping grounds are no longer safe to raise baby squirrels on? What if they choke and die on your cigarette butt? Tobacco kills, my friends. If you are the kind of entropic person who revels in the discomfort of other humans, at least consider the animal friends of the SLU community. The puppies we long to play with, the songbirds, and the stray kitties who help us boost our Snapchat views, may not want to stick around and provide their healing presence if we don’t provide a safe space for them.
Accepted students should scoff at us. How would you feel if the school that boasted its picturesque scenery only had a toxic waste dump to show you when you drove six hours to go on a tour? Our legacy will be compromised if we let this reckless, damaging behavior continue. Think of the toxins left behind in all the artificial trash we dump haphazardly in our rush to drink more and think less. You mindless buffoons. It takes a billion years for manmade materials to decompose. We need to start reversing the damage and safe the ecosystem for future use.
We need you, SLU students, to abstain from tossing trash. As those who have gone on OC trips and gathered appreciation for the natural world will know: if you carry it in, carry it out. This age old adage gives us all the wisdom we need to remedy this widespread problem. I know that a few valiant friends of the squirrels have taken to gathering cans and bottles, leftover from the so-called ragers, but this is not enough! The 5-cent items only make up a small amount of the maelstrom of litter we face. Also, the monetary value of the litter should not dictate how we value it in our society. Above all, this is a moral problem we need to tackle. Just because you can make a nickel on one bit doesn’t mean you should leave the rest. If you do go out to pick up the bad decisions of your peers, consider the redeemable containers an added bonus to your already high merit action.
I don’t blame the institution. I blame the individual actors in this phenomenon. SLU has a brigade of grounds keepers who battle the litter plague every day, but they are fighting a losing battle if we don’t rise up to assist them. We mustn’t become complacent. Imagine having someone there to clean up after you all the time and never face any repercussions. Oh wait, that’s right, most of you probably have a maid or indentured servants back in the mansions you come from. In any case, I would hope that grown-ass adults would be able to notice their privilege and attempt to pay it back by not disgracing the lovely spaces they are occupying. Take a stand, SLU, and stop littering.