The First touch, El Primer Toque, اللّمسة الأولى, первое прикосновение, Den Første Berøring documents the different ways in which survivors of sexual assault and/or rape have had their privacy violated. When asked “Where did they first touch you?” many responded with various areas of their bodies where they had been left with a permanent mark. I decided to photograph these areas to bring awareness to the fact that sexual assault and rape are not bound by gender, sexual orientation, or race. It doesn’t matter how old you are, what you were wearing, or how you look; it can happen to anyone. The title has been translated across several languages to represent the various cultures and backgrounds of the people photographed – this is because your place of origin does not matter; you are still susceptible to the same hardships. Because this is such an intimate topic, I wanted to protect anonymity for any person who wanted to remain unknown. Therefore, names have not been shown unless the survivor has chosen otherwise. As a college student, party culture is extremely prevalent, which is usually associated with incidents of sexual assault. I wanted to create this project to start conversations on my college campus as to how sexual assault survivors have to live their lives after they have been taken advantage of. After getting so many requests from students who had survived these hardships, I decided to open up the project to include anyone that has been assaulted whether it be at college or anywhere else. When trying to portray how different everyone’s experience is, I had a little trouble trying to figure out how I could make everyone feel comfortable while also making them want to participate. It was a lot of awkward questions, anxious waiting, and vulnerability, and it became something beautiful that didn’t push anyone’s boundaries, which is exactly what I was going for.
My goal is to alarm whoever sees these images. I wanted a mysterious and creepy vibe to indicate that the people in the photographs are uncomfortable with what they have experienced. When you see a handprint on someone’s body you immediately think, “what happened? What’s wrong?” I want these images to provoke that. There is a permanent weight that everyone who participated in this project carries. They will forever remember where they were touched and how that made them feel. They will remember where it happened, what they were wearing, and asking why it had to be them.
This project was created with the survivors’ comfortability in mind. I never did anything they didn’t want me to do. I told them they could take a step back from the project if they wanted to, and they could remain anonymous if they wished. If they didn’t feel comfortable taking portraits, they didn’t have to, and if they didn’t want to show skin, it wasn’t mandatory. I had them write about their experiences as a way to reflect on how far they’ve come, and their words are partnered with their photos. I also had them hand write letters in red ink addressed to their abuser. This idea came to me sort of as a last-minute step. It was something I came up with to capture the intent of the color red. Red, in this modern-day and age, is very often used to portray sexual maturity and sexual desire.
Many of the survivors in this project were children when their innocence was taken from them. They are not sexually mature and my project reveals this sick and twisted reality. Talking about sexual assault is not a comfortable experience for anyone, but it is necessary for everyone. Don’t shy away from topics that disturb you, be willing to talk about things that make you uneasy because it is the only way that we will be able to move ahead. This project means a lot to me, and I hope these survivor’s stories will leave a permanent mark on your mind and heart.