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I love my mom like the rest of us, but this weekend I tragically found not only my mom, but two of my housemates’ moms, with horrific fungal infections on the top shelf of my closet. The kind moms sat there, a fungal mycelial mass of invaders erupting on the soft skin of our dear mothers. And just like that, I had killed them. Oops. I’d like to pay homage to my mom, and all the other moms out there, who hopefully don’t end up dying whilst floating in sweet tea within a mason jar in my closet.
I’m of course not referring to my biological mother, but rather a fantastic little symbiotic colony of bacteria and yeast (SCOBY). SCOBYs, more affectionately known as moms, are the patties of microorganisms responsible for transforming sugar and tea into the probiotic wonder- drink known as kombucha. Kombucha is thought to provide a suite of health benefits, largely aiding in digestion and gut health, but also improving mood and energy. However, like many natural remedies, these claims have never been tested in clinical trials. That being said, kombucha is sold for outrageously high prices at any natural foods store, so people clearly see some benefit to this ancient elixir. Many people know kombucha as the snappy, slightly vinegary drink sold by Synergy, one of the biggest commercial producers of kombucha. But before it was sold for nearly five dollars a bottle, it was brewed at home by the mother-loving folk of the world.
It’s challenging to find academic sources regarding the origins of kombucha, but a quick bit of research shows that this tea concoction has been around for about 2,000 years. Originating in Asia, kombucha is a fermented tea beverage, sometimes referred to as the “tea of immortality,” that is being swept up in the latest wave of the U.S.’s health-food craze. But rather than spend your hard- earned money on a bottle of this “miracle fungus,” make your own! Brewing kombucha is easy and a great way to have fun with some moms.
Brewing kombucha is a simple, safe, and rewarding way to enjoy the bounty produced by bacteria and yeast having a party in some tea. To brew kombucha, all you need to do is make some sweet tea and pop your mom in with it, then wait about two weeks. A standard ratio is seven cups water with one cup starter (existing kombucha) with one cup sugar. Allow the sweet tea to cool to room temperature, then place a mother in her delicious bath and cover with tightly woven cloth or a coffee filter. It is also important to keep all things kombucha-related in glass jars, as this allows the fungi and bacteria to be most happy. Let this concoction rest for one to three weeks in a dark, warm place, until the tea is fermented. A miniscule amount of alcohol is produced (so little that kombucha can be sold anywhere) as the SCOBY feeds on the sugar and converts it into ethanol and carbon dioxide. Taste-testing is the best way to know when your mom has done her job, as over-fermenting yields a notably tart and vinegar tasting drink. Plus, after your mom has gotten jiggy wit’ it, she will have produced a clone of herself ! Now, with twice the moms, you can make twice the ‘booch. And to think people pay for this stuff !
While brewing is very easy, do be careful to treat your mom nicely and keep her warm, dark, and contaminant free. The acidity of the tea does a brilliant job at restricting microorganism growth, and the cloth over the lid of your brewing vessel keeps out larger airborne invaders. However, sometimes it gets chilly and you accidentally let your moms catch a nip, as happened to my mothers. Lower temperatures allow for the invasion of unwanted fungal species, which colonize the floating slab of bacteria and yeast that is your mother. Keep an eye on your mom, and if you see white fuzz, it’s best to compost her. With the onslaught of cold season, find yourself a mama, ingest some probiotics, and get your ‘booch on!