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April Fools: ZYN-Addicted Dana Squirrels
The addiction to nicotine in the past decade has risen in frequency after the discovery among college students of ZYN nicotine pouches. Students love the practicality, the subtlety in class, and the excitement of tossing them into the…
April Fools: SLU to Cut Down Enchanted Forest
St. Lawrence University's Board of Trustees has vowed to cut down the Enchanted Forest by May 1. The move comes as the University attempts to balance its student-to-tree ratio following enrollment decline.
SLU…
April Fools: Bye Bye St. Lawrence, Hello St. Teresa
St. Lawrence University just dropped breaking news in what was its last news release under the same name. Wednesday evening, SLU leadership announced that starting this April 2024, SLU will become St. Teresa University. The name change…
April Fools: Professors Mourn the Loss of Their Jobs to Chat GPT
St. Lawrence University is removing all current professors at the school to help with budget cuts. After the news of SLU’s public $11.5 million debt, major changes were needed.
A recent announcement was made by Kate Morris, president of…
April Fools: Banana Splits Believers Save Lives One Banana at a Time
Forget apples! Research done by St. Lawrence students proves that it is actually bananas— more specifically, banana splits— that are the key to a longer, healthier and more fulfilling life.
The banana provides essential…
April Fools: Finding Friends
Considering how closely-knit the community at St. Lawrence University is, it is not hard to randomly bump into the same person over and over again. Look in from the outside, and you might hear us faintly singing Kumbaya together. Pay…
April Fools: Solar Eclipse is Cancelled: Results of a Lack of Funding for the Moon-Related Hoax
The Hill News was shocked early Friday morning when several top-secret student government documents were leaked to the all-knowing, reliable social media community, YikYak. The scathing reports detailed a failed contingency fund request…
Budget Cuts Needed Due to Record Low Enrollment
St. Lawrence University’s enrollment is down 3.5 percent from the fall semester, dipping the institution’s student body below 2,000 for the first time this decade, announced administrators Monday at a faculty town hall event. This…