The Oscars: Who Will Win and Who Should Win

It’s that time of year again – and no, I’m not talking about Titus. I’m talking Oscars Weekend baby! For those who do not know, the Oscars is a colloquial nickname for the Academy Awards, which honor the “best” acting and technical achievements in film.

“Best,” of course, is in quotations. Just like with the Grammys, almost every pick for each category is highly disputed. No one in their right mind should have let Bruno Mars win Album of the Year, but whatever. This article holds my predictions for who and what will win in each category – but I’m also going to let you know who actually deserves the W. Oscar tragedies happen every year; it’s easier to deal with them if you accept defeat sooner rather than later.

Best Original Song: WILL WIN – “This is Me” from “The Greatest Showman,” music and lyrics by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul. It starts off quietly and ends on a note that’s as triumphant and extra as you would expect from a musical about the circus, but its poignant lyrics about reappropriating your freak status is what will secure its win. SHOULD WIN – “Mystery of Love” from “Call Me by Your Name,” music and lyric by Sufjan Stevens. Stevens’ intimate tale of love lost is equal parts melodramatic and objective, sad, introspective, and even a little bitter. God-tier pretentious indie angst – his specialty.

Best Original Screenplay: WILL WIN – “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri,” Martin McDonagh. McDonagh accomplishes what the Coen Brothers wish they could. SHOULD WIN – “Get Out,” Jordan Peele. “Get Out” is something we have never seen the likes of before: a subversion of the horror genre that puts race at the forefront. “Three Billboards” channels the Coens; “Get Out” is something completely original. It deserves the win.

Best Adapted Screenplay: WILL & SHOULD WIN – “Call Me by Your Name,” screenplay by James Ivory. To be frank, the guy is 90 years old – give him the freaking Oscar! Not only will it serve as a quasi-Lifetime Achievement award, but strategically it would also keep the gays and stans at bay if the film wins at least one Oscar.

Best Supporting Actress: WILL WIN – Allison Janney, “I, Tonya.” Janney has already won a Golden Globe and SAG award for her role as Tonya Harding’s abusive mother, and has won six Emmys for her roles in “The West Wing” and “Mom.” I’d be surprised if she didn’t win the Oscar. SHOULD WIN – Laurie Metcalf, “Lady Bird.” Metcalf also plays a hardo mom, but her complicated love/hate/love relationship with her daughter completely stole the show.

Best Supporting Actor: WILL & SHOULD WIN – Sam Rockwell, “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri.” Pretty much up until the film’s end, you’re not sure if Dixon is the villain, the hero, or just a straight up Chaotic Neutral. As this is pretty much the source of tension and anxiety for most of the movie. Rockwell deserves the win.

Best Actress: WILL & SHOULD WIN – Frances McDormand, “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri.” Hell hath no fury like a mother scorned. McDormand’s performance as the mother of a young woman who was raped and killed far exceeds the other nominees. Her delivery of blunt one-liners is often hilarious, but it will be the brief moments of raw rage and grief that will easily secure her the win.

Best Actor: WILL WIN – Gary Oldman, “Darkest Hour.” Lame. SHOULD WIN – Literally anybody else. Preferably Daniel Kaluuya in “Get Out” or Timothée Chalamet in “Call Me by Your Name.” At 22, Chalamet would be the youngest man to win Best Actor in Oscar history.

Best Picture: WILL & SHOULD WIN – “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri.” If this was a popularity contest, “Get Out” would be the winner. Let’s face it, though – “Three Billboards” is the Awards Season movie of the year. It’s edgy, heartbreaking yet kind of hopeful, political enough to ruffle some feathers, but capital-w White enough to deserve some backlash. I don’t see any way this film isn’t going to win.

The Oscars begin at 8:30 p.m. this Sunday on ABC.