GUESS WHO GOT ASKED TO WRITE FOR THE HILL AGAIN
I know. Shocked, aren’t you? God, this place has really gone to the dogs—but if you’ve watched one too many Draco edits on TikTok, here’s a list of movies you and your family unit could watch together. For bonding.
1. Ice Age (2002)
NO ONE WILL REFUSE knock on some doors. The guy who thinks he’s funny will perform his exceptionally accurate Sid the Sloth impression and you can all make fun of the disgusting and deceitful Ice Age baby to get the ball rolling with some forced camaraderie.
2. Marley and Me (2008)
If comedy didn’t do the trick, having a group cry over Owen Wilson and his labrador is a sure-fire way to foster some relationships! What a great way to talk about lost pets, or brainstorm ways to sneak the campus cat into your dorm.
(I’m running out of ideas and haven’t met my family unit yet)
3. The Grinch (2000) and The Grinch (2018)
A DOUBLE-FEATURE? So early??? Yes. These two will never go wrong, you can all discuss the cinematic merits of Jim Carrey’s interpretation and facilitate a debate on the shortcomings of Benedict Cumberbatch. It’ll also get everyone into a Christmas spirit—but that’s a little early, which is why the very next film you should watch is
4. The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
This is more for me. I would like all of you to remember that just because Halloweekend isn’t looking too hot, Halloween is still Very Important, and I better be impressed by the campus efforts for at least four days. Christmas is fine, I guess but very far away—Halloween is always a tits out event and there’s no way to convince your floor to dress up than reminding your new friends that Jack Skellington is the OG skinny white boy with an addiction.
5. Twilight (2008)
Either for the meme or nostalgia—someone on your floor will watch this with you.
6. Avatar: The Last Airbender (2010)
Mhm. The live action. I know you don’t want to, but you and your neighbor have both re-watched Avatar (three times), and this is the movie both of you need to watch before you give ATLA a fourth watch.
7. Mamma Mia! (2008) and Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (2018)
This is for the girls and the gays. That’s it.
8. The Entire Phineas and Ferb Cinematic Universe (2008-2020)
Remember when life was good? When we had fun? When the only e-girl we had to worry about was Vanessa Doofenschmirtz? This is five hours of pure, unadulterated bliss (and then you can watch the TV show).
9. Any John Mulaney Special (2012-2020)
Perfect bonding activity. You all already know the lines! Someone’s never seen them. Boot ‘em up. Triple feature, you can sing “Sack Lunch Bunch” songs together while you annoy your CA and slowly slip into madness ✨together ✨
10. The Notebook (2004)
Imagine: a Thursday night. We’re missing Java and the thrill of pilfering for some loose attention. Put on The Notebook! Sure, it’s a little cliché but grab a seltzer and cuddle up next to the person you’re most likely to commit fypcest with— SHOOT YOUR SHOT QUEEN. Anything can happen, so long as its six feet apart.