“You are German? That is SO cool. Say something in German!” I am tired of hearing the ever-reoccurring sentences. Yes, I am German, and my accent makes it impossible to hide. And, quite frankly, I do not mind my accent or the fact that I come from a different country. I know I have an accent because I am speaking a language I have acquired through hard work over a long period of time. I know that some things I say may sound funny. And yes, sometimes I butcher your language.
My problem is not that people at my college are curious because, in fact, I think that curiosity is a great way of learning more about the people surrounding you. However, if you ask me to speak German for you, just because you think it sounds “different” or “funny,” that is not being curious.
That is objectifying and exoticizing me as an international student at this institution.
I am not afraid of sharing my culture with you, and I do not want to keep anything from you. Quite the opposite: I will excitedly share everything I know about Germany, its people, and its language if you are interested. The problem is, if you ask me to speak in German to you, you are not interested in my culture, and frankly, you are not even interested in me. You are interested in yourself and being entertained. I am not here for your entertainment. I am a student at this institution like you, and I have the same right to be heard just for what I say and not for how I say it.
Sometimes, I am answering a question about a topic I am passionate about, and it is important to me that people know my opinion. Too often, after I finish, all I hear in response is, “Oh, that is such a cool accent, where are you from?” That is incredibly frustrating, because it takes my voice away from me; it takes my agency to actively shape the reality around me, because I am being constantly reduced to where I come from and not what I think or feel. And in a context where culture shock and difference already make many international students feel alienated, it feels as if you are taking my last resort away from me. I already know I am different. I am reminded of it every single day when my tongue stumbles over words and when I proofread my essays an extra time to make sure I will be taken seriously.
If all you choose to hear is my accent, I have no influence over the perception that other people have of me. Although I understand that is a problem many people have, it makes me feel very small and very powerless. I do not want to just be “the Germany girl.” I am German, and I always will be. But that is not my chosen identity: that is my imposed one. As many of you might know, identities that are chosen for you are not always the ones we like best. I want to at least have a shot at being a person, a classmate, maybe even a friend. These are all things that describe me a lot better as an individual, because that is at least in part who I am. I am not just one of 83 million Germans from Germany. I am Celine. And I have a voice.