April Fools: SLU Turns to Athletics to Solve $11.5M Defificit
In the face of an $11.5 million deficit that must be solved by 2026, St. Lawrence has announced new plans in athletics that hope to fix these budget issues.
Yeah, we’re screwed.PHOTO CREDIT: THE BEST NEWSPAPER IN THE WORLD
These…
April Fools: Hoping to Increase Enrollment, St. Lawrence Launching New Auto Racing Team Next Fall
t. Lawrence University recently sought to boost enrollment and make the SLU experience more lucrative. As a result, the administration determined through numerous studies that an auto racing team would best serve to grow the St. Lawrence…
April Fools: Iowa Basketball Star Caitlin Clark to Join SLU Women’s Hockey
Caitlin Clark recently announced that DI college hoops are too easy for her, and after seeing the stellar play of the St. Lawrence women’s ice hockey team, she will be joining them for the 2024-25 season, per WojESPN. After challenging…
April Fools: In Memoriam… and a Poem
There is no God,No land for family.I want to kiss your bruises,
Much to my mother’s dismay,
Be there is no God,
so why Should we try?In acts of Adultery,Convey to me your motive –
Your dastardly intrigueFor causing so…
April Fools: pnn f th Crt: Hly v. Jms 1972
t th tst w nt tht stt cllgs nd nvrsts r nt nclvs mmn frm th swp f th Frst mndmnt. "t cn hrdly b rgd tht thr stdnts r tchrs shd thr cnstttnl rghts t frdm f spch r xprssn t th schlhs gt." Tnkr v. Ds Mns ndpndnt Schl Dstrct, 393 .S. 503, 506…
April Fools:Theme House Tea
With the theme house applications finalized for the Fall 2024 semester, many students, especially theme community members, are on edge to see the outcomes. Here are some of the dirty deets of next year’s changes in Theme Houses.As some of…
April Fools: “Dune: Part Two,” As Told to You!
In the vast desert where sand dunes loom, comes “Dune: Part Two,” a cinematic boom!
With spice in the air and sandworms below, let’s dive into this sequel, a fantastical show! Once again we join young Paul on his quest. In this…
April Fools: Cab Ellis Dead! (1932-2014)
In a tragic turn of events, Java–favorite and widow’s peak enthusiast Cab Ellis passed away Tuesday, March 26. The Ellis estate has confirmed his death was caused by complications in a duel with a homeless Elvis Presley impersonator…