Hi, welcome to Chili’s! Are you 19 and never learned how to read? Looking for something to wake you up inside? Want to join a community that shares your love for freshavocado? The new vine theme-house—SLU Vines Undergrad, or SVU— would be a perfect fit for you! Our theme house is committed to spreading awareness and appreciation for the short-lived social media platform and the inspiring six second masterpieces it has introduced to our lives. We are now accepting applications to live in the house, which is located in the basement of Herring Cole.
The application process involves a set of written questions such as “Which vine best describes your typical Saturday night?” and “What vine do you feel best represents you?” for us to get to know you better. We will score the applicants based on both having a broad knowledge of vines and whether we feel you will be compatible with the rest of the house. If you make it past the initial application stage, we will contact you to schedule a casual interview with a few members of our theme house. The interviews feature a combination of discussion about vine history and culture, and a casual vine compilation viewing session. If we determine you’d be a good fit for the house, you’ll only have to pay a 69 cents entry fee, and you’re in! We will soon be planning some fundraising activities in which we will sell T-shirts and stickers featuring beloved quotes like “two bros, chillin’ in a hot tub, five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay” and “STOP! I could’ve dropped my croissant!” as well as so many more, so you can rep your favorite vines every day.
All our funds will go toward hosting activities such as vine compilation viewing parties (open to everyone, pizza included), theme parties (where you can drink this vodka down the hatch), and our yearly vine formal (members and their guests only, MUST dress as and quote your favorite vine, NO EXCEPTIONS).
All the rest of our profits will go toward funding the development of V2. We have a limited number of spaces available at SVU and applications are processed as we receive them, so don’t wait to apply! It’ll hurt like a buttcheek on a stick if you wait too long, and all the spaces are filled! For more information, contact Miss Keisha or dial 420 on any standard microwave.