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April Fools
Athlete of the Week: Joshua “Jesus” Allen
Sport: FootballPronouns: He/himYear: 2017Hometown: Firebaugh, CA.
Favorite food?Buffalo wings, or course.
Favorite Dana meal?What’s Dana? It sounds awesome though.
What motivates you in your sport?I’m mostly just really enjoy!-->!-->!-->!-->!-->!-->!-->…
Breaking News: Appleton Arena Will Host 2023 Stanley Cup Finals
In a press conference a few days ago, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman made a surprising announcement. Bettman announced to the league that the NHL will be changing its format for who hosts the Stanley Cup Finals. Usually, the two teams split!-->…
Dean Eaton Hall Converted into Esports Dorm
On March 24, 2023, in the midst of spring break, President Morris made a shocking announcement that the entirety of Dean Eaton Hall, better known as “Dirty Dean,” would only be housing members of the Esports team, effective at the start of!-->…
Shocking and Spicy DM’s of Administrators Leaked
Just as students were coming back to campus from a refreshing spring break and settling in to tackle the last of the semester, shocking news gripped campus, as personal communications of high-level campus administrators were leaked to the!-->…
SLU Announces Five New Projects Across Campus
The University has recently announced a slate of new projects coming to campus in the next few years. Although no timeline has been released, administrators say the projects are likely to be completed the year after you graduate. However,!-->…
St. Lawrence’s Top Shitters
This toilet has a secret pink elixer in it. If you find it on campus and drink from it, you will live forever. Photo credit: Alden Timm '25
Extra clean, shout out Art's Annex custodian Tamara! Photo credit: Alex Dent '25
Hailey Bieber or Selena Gomez? Pat Decides
Yo, whassup’ dawgs. How’s it goin’? You're listening to the editor for the features section of THN—some would say the best section of the paper (many are saying this) (real). Anyway, you might be wondering what I’m doing manning the!-->…
TIKTOK BANNED FOREVER IN U.S. BECAUSE OF PPL
After long suspicion, the popular social media app known as “TikTok” will now be banned in all states of the U.S. beginning April 1, 2023. TikTok has around 150 million users, which is about half of the U.S. population. Since TikTok is!-->…