April Fools Latest Posts

17 Open Letters I Wish My Haters Read: I’m Perfect and That’s Okay

PHOTO COURTESY OF TIM EVANSON/FLICKR
Written by Travis Hamre

By Odyssey Writer Travis Hamre

Dear haters,

As a wealthy, Christian, three-sport star athlete with a 10/10 body and a proud fraternity brother, I feel that so many people continue to hate on my lifestyle. Well, I thought it was due time to shut down you haters by writing a letter self-vindicating myself until I can truly feel better about myself. After all, writing a blog post in letter form is the best form to communicate my ideas because I sandwiched them between a “Dear” and a “Sincerely.”

Now, I probably could of just have effectively written this rebuttal to my haters entirely in memes from Disney or The Office, but you know what they say: A word can be worth a thousand words. Anyway, the micro-aggressions being thrown at frat athletes like me are getting to be too much. Yes, the frat bros and athletes know how to have a good time, but that does not mean people have to be so judgmental about our lifestyle. We do not spend all our time binge drinking, and we are not idiots. We do a fundraiser at least once a year raising money for charity by hosting a tournament to play even more sports. One brother made Dean’s List, and another even did a service trip. As you can see, these limited examples I was able to provide show how superior my Greek/athlete lifestyle really is.

If I hear those people who do not exist shame me or my size zero girlfriend for being thin, I am going to seriously lose it. We cannot help being thin, so you all have no right to judge us. I’m now realizing there are so many toxic people in my life that I need to let go and then proceed to write another open letter about how I am clearly so over them. People need to get over my perfect life, and reading this letter is the first step toward success. It just feels so good to be building a more understanding society one open letter at a time.

Now, I know I could have been writing about real topics that actually matter, like politics or real societal problems, but it is important for people to know why I am good person and how Michael Scott or Parks and Rec describes Friday nights at college. If any troll ever writes anything bad about me or my bros, I can guarantee I will be writing another open letter so that we can all pat ourselves on the back in the comments section. With all these trolls making our lives so hard, I am glad I can do some good in the world to make me and my friends feel better about ourselves.

Sincerely,

An Aspiring Buzzfeed Writer

About the author

Travis Hamre