Published February 5,2010

As Valentine’s Day rapidly approaches, couples desperately search for the perfect gift to present to their sweethearts. Chocolate won’t work; it insinuates that your significant other is growing horizontally, and may lead to heart failure. Flowers are more trouble than they’re worth (like most relationships), and some people are allergic. Jewelry is too expensive, and guys are always so tough to shop for in that category. What can one get?

Here’s an idea. The other day I was in the Brewer Bookstore (spending my life savings on books for class), and I remembered that I needed a mug for my dorm room. I decided to check out the entire section of mugs, looking for the most ideal one (that could hold enough coffee to get me going in the morning). Finally, I stumbled upon the perfect gift for Valentine’s Day: the “Shakespearean Love Mug.”

Needless to say, nothing says ‘I love you’ like 17 different quotes about love from Willy Shakes.

The ironically-named creators of this lovey-dovey treat, The Unemployed Philosopher’s Guild, won’t allow your sweetheart access to these wonderful quotes until they open it on Valentine’s Day, nor will you see the famous quotes until you buy it, because they are packaged inside a box (you’ll just have to take my word that this mug is worthy of your cash and wrapping).

So remember, for Valentine’s Day, forget the trite and blasé gifts of past, and put forth thy wallet, payeth thine cashier $10.95 plus tax, and giveth your partner a mug filled with love.